


The Day the Fog Rolled In

by risingfire17



Category: The Bone Season - Samantha Shannon
Genre: Control Issues, Dreamwalking, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Unethical Experimentation, Unrequited Love, abusive boss, based on a flashback, before Paige goes to Sheoul I, mafia, seven dials, seven seals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26567341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risingfire17/pseuds/risingfire17
Summary: Love only gets people hurt in the syndicate. So when it happens to Paige, she has to bury those feelings and get her job done, even if it means hurting the one she loves.Based on one of Paige's flashbacks before the events of the series.
Relationships: Paige Mahoney & Nicklas Nygard, Paige Mahoney/Jaxon Hall





	The Day the Fog Rolled In

My dreamscape used to be a place filled with sun and red poppies, a place where I ran free and safe on the Irish moors. A place where my voyant child’s heart found safety in a young doctor. Now there is no sun, only a cool blanket of fog, like a winter morning on the loch, or maybe like Jaxon Hall’s cigar smoke. That fog is where I find my safety now.

It started to change, like everything else started to change, the first day Jax had me attack Zeke’s mind. The day Nick, the doctor I’d loved near half my life, told me he loved Zeke. The day Nick found out I loved him. And the day I found out I’d always be alone, a child to Nick, a tool to Jax, and untouchable to the amourotics, making even filling my void with their temporary passions impossible. That was when the first tendrils of fog crept into my dreamscape.

When I returned to Seven Dials, it was to the words: _“You’re skilled, Doctor, but not irreplaceable. I don’t want to see any further…outbursts.”_ Nick didn’t catch Jax look past him, so he wouldn’t know the intensified curl of Jax’s lips was from locking eyes with me and knowing he’d caught two flies in one web. In any normal job, replacement meant freedom from the job. It meant life after the job. But in the syndicate, a business of dangerous secrets, an ex-employee was a “loose end.” And loose ends were unacceptable.

Nick was not the common soothsayer, but he was still replaceable. And if he was replaced, that was the end for him. I was much rarer. Still replaceable, in theory, like any other human in Jax’s employ, but much more difficult to replace. That’s why Jax was forced to be so lenient with me. And oh, how it must make him smile to know I could be controlled with a simple threat to Nick’s life. Because on that day, the day I carelessly allowed my feelings to creep in, they became visible. To Nick. And to Jax. Because of those feelings, if I screwed up, Nick would pay the price.

I decided two things that night: the first being that I would never give Nick anything to pay the price for, and the second that I would never let my feelings betray me like that again. I’d lock them up, out of sight, where they could never hurt anyone. And with that vow, more fog flooded into my dreamscape, to bury my heart far from sight.

That same day, I continued to assault Zeke’s dreamscape until both our bodies threatened to give out. Nick watched, helpless and horrified as his dear friend assaulted his beloved’s mind. I prayed my body would give out before Nick’s patience did, to save him the consequences of another “outburst.” But until my body did give, I’d have to give my all. There was no saying “no” to Jaxon Hall, no matter how sordid the task. Luckily, my body was almost at its limit, until….

_“Doctor, shoot her up.”_ Adrenaline. It would allow me to attack Zeke with more force than I normally could even at my peak.

_“Jax, please, neither of them can handle—”_

_“I do believe it is up to me to decide what they can handle.”_ As he turned from Nick to face me, he shared a triumphant sneer. _“Isn’t that right, Paige?”_ Jax’s eyes were ablaze with the ferocity that had given him his place at the top of the mime-lords. No one, not even his own, would stand in his way.

The fog coated my mind, numbing all concerns of right or wrong or what anyone could handle, anything other than _listen to Jax. Keep Nick alive._ I made sure the fog took over completely before I looked up at Nick with my arm outstretched. _“Do it, Nick.”_ I’d never said “no” to Nick before, even when it angered Jax, and I might not have been able to had it not been for the layer of fog around my heart.

On that day, I succeeded in possessing someone for the first time. I wasn’t aware at first that I’d done it. After all, I’d only been trying to see his mind, not take it over. But I knew something was wrong as soon as I was in. Because once I’d broken through the last wall, his mind simply…dissipated, leaving nothing but the empty shell of his body. Zeke had disappeared from his own dreamscape.

The others watched Zeke’s body as they trembled, Nick in fear, Jax in excitement. It was Jax who spoke excitedly: _“Paige, did you…?”_

_“Jax, something’s wrong! Zeke’s mind is—”_ But before I could finish, the adrenaline wore off, and I was forced back into my own body, and the safety of my own cold foggy dreamscape.

Zeke never recovered. His body lived, but his soul was gone, leaving behind only his unreadable aura, the layers of defense around his now-empty shell that kept everyone out. Everyone except me. After that first time, I never had trouble possessing him. I did it many times. Between my dreamwalking abilities and his unreadable aura, we were the ultimate soldier. Jax called us the perfect marionette and puppeteer, even though we both knew who _really_ pulled the strings.

Nick made one final attempt to defy Jax. He attempted to destroy Zeke’s body, set him free, the last thing he could do for him. I was the one who caught him. He pleaded with me to help him, promised we’d run away together, that he’d keep me safe from Jax. Claimed he knew I didn’t want a part of this, didn’t want to be Jax’s puppet. What he didn’t know was that all I wanted was what I already had. A safe place to belong. And I earned that precisely by being Jax’s puppet.

Nick stopped defying Jax after that. No reason to anymore. No one left to protect. His beloved was dead and replaced with a mindless puppet. And I was Zeke’s murderer. There was hatred in Nick’s eyes every time they settled on mine. I’m sure he hoped every adrenaline shot he pumped into me would be the one to kill me. That was fine. Because he was alive. I was alive. We were safe. And we always would be, as long as we listened to Jax. That’s what I told myself, in the comforting fog of my dreamscape.

But sometimes, even the fog couldn’t keep me from seeing how truly alone I was. Jax had a talent for catching me in those moments, and a way of clouding that ugly truth from me when the fog could not. A way of speaking like I was not just any tool, but his most prized possession. A way of touching like he’d bleed the whole world dry to keep me in his hands. I’m not stupid. I know, every time I give him my body, this is only a way of his to keep his puppet in line. But that’s fine with me. I’d rather be in line. Where I don’t need to think about loneliness or fear or blood on my hands. All that, I can leave in Jax’s hands.


End file.
